A wise woman, and by that I mean Carried Bradshaw, once said “Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”. Don’t get me wrong, I love love. It fills my heart with hope and joy and happiness and all that stuff but you know what else I love, being single. It fills my heart with adventure and self-worth and confidence and doesn’t take up half the bed. To me singleness is nothing to be ashamed about, especially in my 20’s. I have plenty of time to find myself on all kinds of levels. I can go on a plethora of dates and tuck all the qualities I love and despise about these men in the back of my mind to save for when I do find a relationship. Trips across the country, ain’t no boyfriend telling me that I can’t go or guilt trip me into spending Thanksgiving with his family when I just want to go to my Grandma’s house and stuff my face with chicken and pastry. Being single means I make my own decisions and definitely does not mean I’m miserable. Questions about singlehood can come from anyone: Aunts, coworkers, friends and they all have something in common: I’ve heard them a million times. Don’t worry, when it’s my time of the month or my depression starts to kick in or I’m drunk alone in bed watching Friends for the 2548th time on Netflix I contemplate all the questions of singleness in my head so you do NOT need to remind me.
1. Do you think they are intimidated by you?
Yes, I am one of the most sarcastic people I know and yes, I have a constant bitch face but if a guy can’t handle that don’t you think he should maybe put on his big boy panties and toughen up?
2. Can I set you up with my neighbor’s cousin’s brother?
Oh my lanta, please do that. That seriously sounds like the happiest of endings (insert said bitch face here).
3. Want to meet my new client, he is so funny?
Yep that’s what I want, the man who doesn’t have that many great qualities or attractive in any way so you describe him as funny.
4. Have you tried any dating apps?
Well considering Tinder is full of pervs and guys I could run into on any given weeknight at Crossbones while OKCupid is a bunch of guys who want to get married tomorrow, I’ll pass.
5. Don’t you want to have children?
Ya’ll I am not 44, I’m 24. Huge difference. Sure in 1936 I would be married with two kids and be a stay at home mom by now but let me live a little before I pop out the coolest kids in America.
6. Are your friends single?
A. Why does that matter? B. Do you think I’m part of some clan of girls who have vowed to be single forever to make some sort of weird statement like those teenagers who all got prego together?
7. Do you think it will happen if you stop looking for love?
Well, my priority is kinda just to stay alive, maybe make enough money to pay rent. I’d say those things are more important to focus on than finding a husband right now, but yeah I’ll stop looking.
8. Don’t you ever get lonely?
I am not a hermit. I have friends. And vodka.
9. Shouldn’t you head to the dance floor, they are about to toss the bouquet?
No, I’m not even pretending to catch that thing because I will not have another excuse for my grandmother to make a joke about me getting married soon.
10. What about that guy you dated…ya know, the one that never really talked to anyone and cried a lot?
Yep, just answered your own question. Hence why I broke up with him.
11. Why do you think you are single?
Mainly because I have pretty high standards and partly because I like my free time to be spent listening to Ellie Goulding and not at a boyfriend yelling at a video game he just lost.
12. Are you seeing anyone?
Maybe, maybe not. But clearly if I don’t volunteer that information to you then we are either not that close or the guy isn’t that important.
written by: mary